at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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