ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
