Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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