Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
