Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My feet surprised me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
