I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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