Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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