Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
God, I missed his penis.
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