you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
