It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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