Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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