this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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