He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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