i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
