Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
