He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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