time to smoke my breakfast
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
