after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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