maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
