i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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