If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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