It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
