You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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