Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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