then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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