Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
