Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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