doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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