I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
