They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
