I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
