when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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