I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i think i just lost a toe
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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