oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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