The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
