You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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