Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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