You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
