I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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