her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
