I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
