then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
