that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Michael Bay diarrhea
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
