my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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