Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
