I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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