i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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