im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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