I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i think i just lost a toe
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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