he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
