The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
