I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
