i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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