tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
