there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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