I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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