I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
