I hate all girls vehemently.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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