My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
