He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
