Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize