my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
