I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
