You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
