Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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