he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
