Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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