Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
