im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
