now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
