Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
