so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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