I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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