"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
