Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
