She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
