who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
