Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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